I've heard horror stories of how church planters would realize 2-3 years into their church plant that their wife hated them and their kids didn't even know them. I vowed I wouldn't let planting a church become my obsession and cause me to neglect my family. Now, we are 2 years into the planting process, and I've been reflecting on how am I doing? I believe I've done okay, but I have room to improve as I move into 2012.
The Struggles
I know I've struggled to disconnect my mind from church-related things. As far as being physically present with my family, I don't believe I've neglected that for the sake of the church. However, it's hard to stop thinking about what I need to do or what's got to happen next, but here's what God has taught me... If the church is dependent on me constantly thinking about it, the church has the wrong leadership in place because it's much better off when I realize the church is Jesus's. He said He would build His church. For any pastors or church leaders who may read this, just don't forget your bride is your wife, and the church is Jesus' bride. Be sure you don't get confused on that and be sure you live in such a way that your wife knows you understand it.
I haven't dealt well with stress. Especially throughout the later part of 2011, I learned some difficult lessons about stress. Basically, my advice is you have to deal with your stress or it will continue to deal with you! And that's not a good thing because as your stress is getting the best of you, it will start to get the best of the people around you. You need to find an outlet to your stress. Learning to truly rest in Jesus and WALK with Him daily is the best option, but in addition to that, you should consider... exercising, talking to someone, taking a retreat and getting away. Whatever you do, just do something positive and engaging. Sitting on your stress only creates the opportunity for your stress to build.
The Good
Jennifer and I prioritized our date nights last year, which was one of the best decisions we've made, and it's a must for all married couples! On this note, your date nights don't have to be expensive. Sometimes, we'd just go to Starbucks and talk or we'd have someone babysit Kaden at our house and we'd watch a movie while they played upstairs. It's the break from "life" and quality time together that must be non-negotiable.
I also believe I've been able to build a strong relationship with Kaden. I can't even count all the random games we play together that he won't play with anyone else. He teaches me so much about enjoying life and appreciating the small things! Perhaps the highlight of my year was when we were standing in line at a store in December and he said, "Do you want to pray?" I said, "Sure. What do you want to..." Before I could finish, he started praying, "Dear God. Thank for today. Thank you for everything." WOW! Yes, I'm proud because he's my son, but I'm so humbled that God has given me a chance to raise him. I've realized I can't be the dad I need to be unless I'm consistently, fully present (physically and mentally) in his life.
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